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Comparisons
- Mandy Casteel-Denney
- 2 days ago
- 2 min read
Comparison is the thief of all joy!! But does it have to be?
Comparison, jealousy, envy can sometimes lead to feelings of inadequacies and low self esteem. Take it from someone who was there, it sucks big time! Parenting is already hard, then you throw in neurodivergence and it almost becomes impossible. I looked at others and so wished I had what they had. Nice, compliant, reasonable kids. It didn’t seem like they were in WWIII everyday. They, they, they. I wanted to be that other parent. To keep my cool and handle rough spots with grace. It just wouldn’t stop. It wasn’t until my kids got older and I found other parents going through the same thing that I was able to turn my comparison into a motivation tool for me. I was able to learn from them and work towards achieving more for my family. I’m talking about comparing my parenting with other parents, not comparing my children to other children. That is a whole other topic.
Mel Robbins, The Let Them Theory and her words on comparison:
“Other people show you what’s possible. When you see comparison as a teacher, you’ll realize other people aren’t taking anything from you; they are giving something to you.”
“Jealousy is a doorway to your future cracked open, and it’s your job to recognize when it happens, kick the door open, and walk right through it.”
One key takeaway from this article for parents is to:
“ Keep track of your self-talk and remember to be kind to yourself and treat yourself with compassion and patience. Because you are enough.” https://www.healthline.com/health/parenting/dont-get-caught-in-the-comparison-trap#:~:text=Takeaway%20tips,Because%20you%20are%20enough.
This article listed a great practice created by Jackie Loughlin to reduce your comparison cycle. Here are the 3 questions to ask yourself:
“Blinders: What do I need to cut out of my life? What accounts do I need to unfollow?
Bumpers: What boundaries do I need to have? What boundaries are working now?
Buckets: What are the buckets of my life, that in keeping full will satisfy the needs of myself and my family? How do I stay within these buckets?”
I wish I had these when my kids were little and I was so unsure of myself. This might have given me a better perspective, allowed me to be a better parent and to improve my mental wellbeing.
And a final article in which Kari Kling calls for action to stop the comparison and highlight support, “I believe it’s time that we raise our level of awareness regarding our conversations with other parents and family members from comparison to support. I’m advocating that when we are talking to another parent, that we ask about how their child is doing and give our best effort to give a verbal pat on the back of support before we finish our conversation.”
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